Power Outage

Sometimes during storms we lose power.  Losing power can cause to move to a temporary place.  We may not be able to conveniently nourish or cleanse ourselves.  It can create an uncomfortable environment.  

While riding this storm, I lost power. The storm became too much and the power went out.   The power to think rationally. The power to move beyond my feelings of despair.  The power to cleanse my soul of unwanted emotions and thoughts.  The power to resist. The power to say no or simply say yes.  

I felt powerless.

When we feel powerless, we are not using our faith. We are believing in only what we see...a storm. We only see the clouds, rain and feel the wind pushing against us. We don't see the rainbows, clear blue skies and feel the sun kissing our face.  

Well, my power is back on.

I'm no longer allowing myself to get sucked back to where God is moving me from.  The purpose of the storm is to move you, make you stronger.  It's not about how long the storm lasts.  It's more about how you weather the storm. It's about learning to hold on while everything continues to fall apart. 

I am a very powerful individual.  I have the power to think and feel.  I also have the power to prevent myself from living and enjoying my life. I have the power to make choices, good ones and bad ones. 

So everyday I wear the coat of hope, carry the umbrella of prayer and walk in boots of faith to face my storm.  

#IsYourPowerOn  #WhatAreYouWearingInYourStorm #SunnyDaysAhead

Destination Rock Bottom

When I'm going through my storm I often feel desperate, anxious and hopeless.  I make poor choices.  I feel like I've finally hit rock bottom like it's a destination point.  Rock Bottom is not on my itinerary, and hadn't planned to go to there.  Somehow I find myself traveling on this road with a sign reading Destination Rock Bottom ahead.  So, I'm making a choice in the wee hours of the night to make a U-turn.

  

My spirit cringes every time I heard the word joy.  I cringe only because I had allowed my storms to overshadow my faith and hope.  I was spending time convincing my spirit of one thing but following my mind on something totally different.  I don't want to be in this spiritual space of despair.  It's when we are so close to Destination Rock Bottom that we become more in tune with what is about to happen our lives.  It's like the point of no return.  (The devil is a liar!)

I'm back with a life-changing decision.  I choose JOY!  It's easy to say despite what is happening in my life I choose to be faithful, hopeful and joyous through the storms, but he hardest part is believing.  So, my life-changing decision is believing it. Remember, I'm human, perfectly imperfect.  

I have to remind myself of the story of Job.  I must learn to patiently endure what God is doing in my life.  He knows best and keeps His promises.  I consider what I'm going through nothing like the magnitude of Job's suffering. Suffering is relational. I'm learning to be grateful in knowing that God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

My journey continues....

I choose to be grateful that I am still here fighting through this storm.  I choose to be faithful that God is going to turn this thing around when He's ready.  I choose to position myself to know that I can still be happy in spite of the hell that is breaking loose in my life.  I choose to be I'mPossible.  I choose JOY!

You are going through something. You feel like you are close to Destination Rock Bottom in your job, your marriage, your relationship, your finances or your health.  Know that God will choose to turn your situation around or He may choose to turn you around. He also gives you the free will to make a choice too. Make the U-turn.  

#DesitnationRockBottomIsNotOnMyGPS #MakeTheUTurn #ChooseJoy

Whole in One

Why are status labels so important in our society?  Why can't we just be label free?  So when I'm challenged with choosing that box that best describes my status, my spirit fills with a flurry of emotion.  Do I check divorced or single? 

I openly describe myself as divorced Christian mother.  Divorced and Christian are competing descriptors.  You are Christian and divorced?  How can that be?  For the purpose of this blog I wanted to validate my experience with my readers to let them now that I've been married and my experiences are true and relevant.  Almost as if I must be "certified" to write about my own experiences.

I have an  I'mPossible friend who is only a couple of years older than my stepson, but wise beyond her years.  During one of our intellectually charged conversations we began talking about being single. She wasn't ashamed to be so in her mid-20s.  More importantly for her single simply meant being whole and not alone. 

The conversation continued because she is where I used to be and desperately trying to get back to.  Well, being young isn't obviously on the list, but her spunk, energy and love of life is so vivid! I want to feel that way again! I shared with her that I had not moved to single status for several reasons.  I'm still grieving the end of my marriage.  It's not necessarily because of my ex-spouse, but because of all of the memories that were created and how they will never be created by that unit again. 

I'm in transition. 

I can't move from married to single status over night. I'm still divorcing from a lot of other things in my life.  Emotions.  Soul ties.  Anger.  Resentment.  Brokenness. I'm still going through the process to becoming Whole in One. I'm work in progress. I'm focused on being honest with where I am in life and divorce people, behavior and thinking that prevents me from finding my joy again. I will be free from hurt and anger.  No longer thriving off resentment and pieced back together.  Whole again. 

In the meantime, I patiently allow God to have His way. I don't understand it all.  The process is scary at times.  The stress can be unbearable.  I'm learning not to worry too much, but my body sometimes feels otherwise.

Learn to live label free.  Divorce the people and things that are holding you back from what God wants for you.  Focus becoming whole again. 

#DivorcingStuff  #WholeInOne  #LivingLabelFree

A Mind Blowing Experience NOT for the Physically Charged

For the longest time I thought intimacy was a dirty word!  It was something purely physical.  During my college years I learned that it was much more. I remember taking a mental health course my second year while at UVa.  One of the most interesting and profound bits of knowledge I learned was that "eating"  was the most intimate act between two people. 

It sounds rather odd, but think about it.  A mother shares food with her newborn by breastfeeding. A natural form of intimacy.  Families across the US come together for Thanksgiving every year for intimate family gatherings to give thanks but more importantly to eat together.  Those moments create intimate family memories that last a lifetime. However, these moments of intimacy require individuals to be giving, honest and receptive.  A connection is formed. 

Eating does not require taking your clothes off and neither does intimacy. Sounds deep?  Maybe.  Maybe not.

It's relational in nature but transparent by design.

So, now I'm NOT looking for the physically charged.  I am looking for the emotional connection to my soul.  I have this innate desire to receive emotional and intellectual stimulation often.  What I'm learning is that there is plenty opportunity for the physical but a shortage on the emotional. Why would I want physical engagement prior to emotional engagement.  That's not my flow and I'm good. I choose celibacy so the hunger for the emotional is quite intense.  (Pause: Yes, celibacy. I'm still human and female.) 

For me, intimacy is a spiritual experience of the mind and soul of a person connecting with a like-minded desire with another person.  God wants us to be intimate with Him everyday.  He wants us to share our dreams, fears, worries and desires with Him.  Yet we won't even share it with the Being that made us who we are.  We wonder why we struggle in our relationships. 

Intimacy doesn't require one to be a deep thinker or an excellent communicator.  It only requires transparency and openness with another soul.  It's relational not entirely physical. If you believe it doesn't exist in this form, you are deceiving yourself.  This level is intimacy is possible and real. I can't wait to blog about when I make that connection!

#IntimateMoments #SoulSearching #MindBlowing #SomeThingsAreWorthWaitingFor

Perfectly Imperfect

I'm no longer a sponge.  Yes, a sponge.  I've been doing some spiritual purging and it occurred to that I've soaked up a lot of what others have poured into my spirit and mind.  I've been taking in one spoon at a time.  Now, I'm full and spiritually sick. 

While soaking in what others were pouring into me, I've become diluted.  I became whatever someone needed me to be whenever they needed often getting nothing in return. Was I afraid of losing love or acceptance?  For me there was a desire to be perfect in every way. 


Why wasn't (isn't) just being Sheby enough?

Imperfections only define characteristics that are uniquely you. Imperfections only appear negative when compared to all things perfect.  Who are you comparing yourself to? Filter the content.  Compare yourself to who YOU used to be and where YOU want to be. The true benchmark is the growth and maturity of only YOU and no one else.

Squeeze the sponge...

Squeezing the sponge is a daunting requirement to return to the essence of you. Squeezing the sponge means refusing to accept certain people, thinking and behavior in your life that focus on your imperfections. Be careful who you allow to pour into your sponge. Anyone who pours into my life should love my imperfections and embrace all of me.  The relationship must be transparent free of pride, ego and shame. You have nothing to prove. You are enough.

God does not expect perfection.  He perfectly created me to be imperfect. Stop trying to undo or dilute God's perfect creation.  Every day God is perfectly shaping and molding you to be perfectly imperfect.  Live in great joy of His creation--YOU!

#YouAreEnough #ReturnToTheEssenceOfYou #GodPerfectlyCreatedYouToBeImperfect

I'mPerfectly I'mPatient

In my post Enduring the Storm I shared how God is shaping me.  Here's what I'm learning about God and more importantly about me.

Patience is a virtue. So, God is shaping my ability to become more patient. There are three major things that I desire to happen in my life.  It's hasn't happened yet and doesn't seem anywhere close to happening.  So, what do I do?  I get impatient.  I get anxious.  I get stressed out...even more.  I look for shortcuts, workarounds or any opportunity to speed the process up.  Well, it ain't working!

So in the midst of this storm, I'm learning patience.  When I'm impatient, I'm acting and deciding on impulse.  Impatience is an opportunity to ignore God. Yes, impatient spirits don't have time to pray and fast because they want Jesus to stop what He's doing and fix it.  This behavior only indulges Satan to manifest himself when we need to communicate with God the most. 

This storming has been brewing for a while now.  A component of your faith is patience.  You can't have faith in God and spend every waking hour trying to figure how you are going to make the impossible happen. (Note, not the I'mPossible,  You should know the difference by now.) God started molding me when I separated from my ex-husband.  I had to learn to be patient through a lot.  At that moment in my life I never thought it would be that dark and stormy again so soon.  

Remember: His timing, not mine.

What's different this time around?  This storm is all about me and nobody else.  It's much harder when you are dealing with only yourself.  These are moments when you can really see who you really are and understand who God wants you to be.  He wants me to be patient. He wants me to be a Virtuous Woman. For once in my life, I do too!

So, I'm praying this prayer: Father God, give me Patience as you reveal your plan for my life to me.  Help me to follow in the footsteps of where you are leading me to go.  In Jesus name, amen. 

Although the storm is still raging, I keep going because of my faith.  It will pass. Until it does, I'mPerfectly I'mPatient. 


#I'mPerfectlyI'mPatient  #PatienceIsAVirture #AVirtuousWomanInTheMaking

Enduring the Storm

Seems like I haven't had much to share lately. It's the complete opposite.  Well, a storm came through.  My world has been like a Category 5 Hurricane with five different names.  I've battled health issues that has limited my ability to put my thoughts to print.  My professional and personal lives squeeze every bit of energy I have.  

But I'm still here....holding on with faith. 

The one thing that I'm learning through this storm is patience and temperance.  As a result of reading my blog, an I'mPossible friend asked if I would take an assessment called "How Well Do I Love?"  It gives a person a picture of themselves as it pertains to love and clarifies what love is biblically.  The assessment is a tool for healing and for the edification for current and future relationships.  

He sent me the link and after some procrastinating, I finally took the assessment.  My results were not what I expected.  Our education system focuses so much on passing and failing that I interpreted my results as being average! I'll share my scores later, but  the focus of this post is where my scores were lowest, temperance, patience, kindness and love towards self.

Anyone who REALLY knows me can tell you that I have the patience of a stink bug.  Yep, I don't like extra, drama, foolishness, ignorance and the list goes on but you get the idea. Extra is not my ministry! 

So, God is shaping me.  

This Category 5 is teaching me a lot about humility and continuing to love myself through the storm.  I've been in a vulnerable emotional and physical space for some time now.  Loving yourself can be hard when you're going through the storm.  Somehow when you run out of others to blame, you blame yourself. Being in a guilty space can do a lot of damage and leave us vulnerable to anything that we think will take the guilt away.  Don't be fooled. We just don't end up where we are for no reason and it's not always our fault. Hurricanes have a way of tossing and turning things upside down.  They can be scary and even deadly. I'm being weathered in every possible way.

I'm respecting God's timetable.  

It's so hard most days. Some days I'm emotionally drained.  Here lately most are physically challenging.  I count it all as a blessing because I'm still here. We always want Jesus to hurry up and fix it. There are no quick fixes--only fasting and praying. I respect it's all in His time and not mine.    There is a purpose.

If you are enduring a storm, be patient.  Respect God's work and timing. The purpose of the storm is to create something new.....in you!

#RespectGod'sWorkandTiming  #BePatient  #LoveYourselfThroughItAll