Sunday, January 3, 2016

Faith Promise, My Prayer Journal and the Verse

Faith Promise
Less than a year ago, I made a promise based on faith.  The promise was to pray for a dollar amount I would pledge to my church based on my faith in God would make provisions so that the promise would be met.  I prayed  and committed to the dollar amount.  There were moments when I was stressed about how I was going to honor the pledge.  So, I prayed and had to believe that God was going to answer my prayer to honor this pledge.

My Prayer Journal
A friend gave me a beautiful journal with a prayer dated January 1, 2014.  I held on to this journal without writing one word in it. I read her handwritten prayer many times.  I finally wrote my first entry on September 27, 2015 acknowledging how I had held on to this beautiful gift. By writing my prayers on paper, they became more meaningful and real. They were no longer repetitions.  The prayers were intentional and specific requests for God's wisdom and an act of my obedience.  One of those prayers was to provide me with a new professional opportunity. I wrote that prayer on November 12.   On November 24, I had a phone interview after applying for job within the same week of writing my prayers. Later the same day I was offered a face-to-face interview.

The Verse
My face-to-face interview was scheduled the following Friday. I had applied for many jobs in the past, had a couple of inquiries and one interview.  I tried not to get too excited about this job interview.  Rejection can get the best of you, if you allow it.  I receive daily Bible verses on my phone which is one way, I stay connected to God's Word when my days are busy.  On the morning of my interview, I read my daily verse which was Psalms 37:4. It brought me to tears.  It was God's way of telling me He was going to answer my prayers.  The following Monday I received a voicemail offering me the job.  

My message to you is to have faith, trust God will answer your prayers and believe His word.  He has provided financial provisions for me to honor my Faith Promise which has to be fulfilled in March.  Writing down my prayers proved to be meaningful to me.  He answered my prayers and confirmed it with a verse.  

I'm looking forward to 2016.  I will commit to another Faith Promise in March and continue to write prayers in my journal.  My faith is growing...everyday.  It's a part of my journey.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Indestructible Seed

I love unique jewelry especially pieces that speak to my character, style and personality.  When I came across this bracelet, it expresses where I am in my journey.  

Lately, life has tried to bury me.....

Each day I feel like something is dumped on top of me physically, spiritually and financially.  Seems like I'm pushed deeper and deeper into a hole.  Each time I crawl towards the top, a situation or someone pushes me back.  

I'm buried.

I'm buried in my emotions.  I'm buried in my despair.  I'm buried in my weaknesses. 

I know there is a season of change upon me.  

Many people don't like fall and winter, but I look forward to it.  It is the time when I retreat and disconnect from a lot of things.  Things being certain people and relationships. One would think it's the opposite since days are shorter, colder and darker.  So this season I will be walking away from a LOT things. I've recognized that there are situations that are constantly shoveling heavy soil my way.  

Just like a seed that is buried, there is a period where it works through the heavy soil forming roots, a foundation. The roots create strength and promote growth.

My rooting process is beginning.  Rooting can be uncomfortable as the seed is being pulled and stretched beyond it's size to become something new and beautiful.  

As heavy as this soil is, I'm renewed about what I will become.  Life tried. 

#MeaningfulBling #Found@JustBe #IndestructibleSeed

Monday, October 12, 2015

no grit. no pearl.

It's been shy of ten months since my last blog post. Seems like a lifetime in so many ways.  One of my last posts navigated you towards my evolution of self.  To some a revolution.  Either way, it's been a gritty process and I own every moment of it. In the grittiness of it all made decisions about my life that mattered the most to me and no one else.  They were changes that were hard and necessary.  
Within my shell of a life....there was a lot of grittiness.

The formation of a natural pearl begins when a foreign substance slips into the oyster between the mantle and the shell, which irritates the mantle, the organ that produces the oyster's shell.  It's kind of like the oyster getting a splinter. The oyster's natural reaction is to cover up that irritant to protect itself. The mantle covers the irritant with layers of the same nacre substance that is used to create the shell which lines the inside of the shells.  This eventually forms a pearl.

The first was to acknowledge the spiritual grittiness in my life. Nudging myself into a house of worship that offered no peace or solace.  (The bigger lesson here is a physical church is not the place where we should be seeking peace in the first place.)  In February I made a bold decision to leave a church where I had worshiped for over 15 years.  The decision was based on my desire to move forward with my life and without dealing and wrestling with remnants of a troubled past.  Having near panic attacks in church was a sign that my spirit was not where is was supposed to be.  This was real and disturbing! 

My foreign substances were lack of forgiveness, seeking closure and answers in the wrong places and people.  The irritating substances were robbing me of any peace and joy I had. It was raw and gritty.  It really became complicated. So, 
I simply walked away.  

No regrets.

While in this shell, I'm learning to mend and end relationships.  The most important relationship I'm mending is the one with God.  It's the relationship I did not give as much work, time or commitment to.  I'm learning to praise God in the grit of it all.  The shell often feels dark, hopeless and lonely. 

For once I didn't feel obligated to explain my decisions. Although I am always open to share my story.  Change is hard but often necessary. It's an imperfect process.  God is teaching me not to fear change but to embrace it with patience and humility.  The Lord knows I struggle with patience. He is still shaping and forming me in this shell.

Whether others see this as my personal evolution or revolution, it's a process. A process in which I will become cultured in appreciating the changes in my inner shell.  

My bracelet is a reminder of this metamorphosis.  No grit. No pearl.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

The Introversion of an Extrovert

Lately I've been feeling...disconnected.  Disconnected from just about everyone and everything.  Through therapy I've learned to set boundaries with family, friends, work and even myself.  Boundaries are good for me but difficult for others to understand.  Let's stay I've stepped out for a minute.  I just didn't let folks know I left the room.

I just don't know if I want to come back.....

As an extrovert, I'm finding it increasingly harder to socialize and engage with others.  I spend most of my work day engaging with employees, customers, vendors, co-workers via in person, email or phone. I'm a one-woman team in a large office with another co-worker in an adjacent office.  We're separated by walls and glass.  I struggle through my work days with an iPod and mini Bose blaring at my desk to keep me sane!

I'm starting to enjoy it.

I used to be active in my sorority.  I was leading committees, attending meetings and helped plan functions. I had an outlet for some skills and creativity I couldn't effectively use elsewhere.  I learned to appreciate the power of women like me. 

Once my world started crumbling, I walked away from it.  I haven't looked back.

I come from a large extended family.  Family reunions are scheduled all summer long.  Family traditions fill most holidays.  Like most families in America, mine is dysfunctional at best.  

I can no longer deal with the drama.

I'm a social media junkie...Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest...etc.  I love connecting and reconnecting with people.  It's like a drug...!  How many hits! Keeping track of family and friends is easier than ever.  I don't have to call or text, just scroll with my finger. 

I'm waning.  I don't talk on the phone much.  I may miss text messages.  I wish I had unlimited data...not minutes.  I live in the heart of the city near the parks, clubs, restaurants, transportation hub even a fire station,  but my home is so peaceful and quiet. 

I'm seeking out new experiences alone.  I easily walk away when I've had enough.  I respect my own boundaries.  I feel energized when I have my downtime. Don't take it personal.  It's not personally, yours.  It's my journey.  

My metamorphosis is underway. I decided to take a left turn.

#MyMetamorphosis  #PersonallyMine  #LeftTurn

Monday, January 12, 2015

No Resolutions, Only Blessings in Disguise

Happy New Year! I made it through 2014.  What a blessing to see 2015!  I'm looking forward to a new year and all the I'mPossibilities headed my way.  However, unlike millions of other people, I have no resolutions for 2015.  I'm learning to be appreciative of the challenges in life that move me to the happiest moments in my life. Sounds a little strange, I know.  Let me explain.  

I'm looking forward to my blessings in disguise.

2014 brought just as many challenges, heartache and brokenness as 2013. The difference is that God has shown me the blessing in each of my storms.  I either learned to push myself harder or slow down.  I realized that complaining and whining only made my situation worse. He showed me how to dance and smile in the rain.  I made some very difficult decisions and today I'm better for it.  He stretched me.  The more He stretched the more resilient I became.  I bounced back in my own way and not what others had prescribed for me.  For each storm something was washed away. 

So, I consider my storms blessings in disguise.  In 2015, I'm stronger.  I'm more confident. I'm happier.  Everyday I create a new life imprint, work towards a dream or as my youngest son reminds "just be."  

I created a "Blessing Jar" to collect handwritten notes, photos or anything I consider a blessing.  So far we have photos, a prayer and a significant event in our jar. It's all a blessing.  

Here's our jar! It's nothing spectacular but it's special.  It's prominently displayed in our home. The reverse side reads, "God is Good."   We walk by it daily as a reminder to be grateful for all things in life and knowing who truly blesses us.

I challenge you to break tradition in 2015!  Do something new!  Dare to be different or adventurous! Create some memories!  Be a blessing in disguise!

#NoResolutions  #DoSomethingNew  #BeABlessingInDisguise

Monday, December 1, 2014

Not My Circus - Not My Monkeys!

Yeah, I'm tired.  Officially worn out three weeks before Christmas.  I should be feeling excited about the holidays.  Like most of my friends, I feel some type of stress, anxiety and even moments of depression most days.  I have to remind myself that God does not intend for me to live this way.  More importantly I chose JOY a while back and I feel it slowly slipping from my hands.

So, after careful navigation of surviving my son's 10th birthday and Thanksgiving, I'm declaring: NOT MY CIRCUS-NOT MY MONKEYS!  Say it with me!  I've taken on the drama, foolishness (let's call it what it really is) and problems of other people that I can't solve, don't need to deal with or is simply none of my business.

I'm NOT your ringmaster!

I have my daily battles and drama that is often self-inflicted or misdirected my way.  So, I'm pretty busy most days. I have my own three-ring circus and more monkeys than I can handle.  I don't need to live under anyone else's big tent.  I have my own.

A part of choosing JOY is choosing which battles to fight and standing on your own for what's best for you.  It's not easy, but very doable.  I have learned to say NO. However, human socialization expects a reason, but we offer excuses instead.  I say NO if I can't make it happen.  More importantly, I say NO if I DON'T want to.  The latter is very difficult for most people, especially family and friends to understand.  It is what it is.  I'm okay with it and so should others. 

The monkeys aren't trained, but manipulated.

I know manipulation oh too well.  The ringmaster manipulates the monkeys to do certain tricks at the expense of making others laugh and feel good. Ultimately, the monkeys aren't free to do whatever they do.  I'm not a monkey in your circus.  (REPEAT!)  I no longer allow others to manipulate me in doing things that only satisfy their emotions, spirit or well-being.  I know how this circus trick works.  I admit that I can be pretty good at it if when needed to do so. 

So, I'm exiting your tent.  I'm leaving all of the excitement and drama to you. I've performed in way too many circuses this year and it's time to retire. I plan to have more JOY.  I choose laughing over hurting.  I choose love over lust.  I choose living over being. 

#NotMyCircusNotMyMonkeys  #NotYourRingmaster #IChooseJoy  #LivingOverBeing

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Bluetooth: Pairing & Unpairing

A gadget geek like me loves Bluetooth technology! It gives me the capability to link multiple devices together including my vehicle.  I can create a hotspot  or share music and data via a simple connection.  The connection is made by pairing the nearby devices via Bluetooth.  The key to the connection is making sure that your device is visible.  Once connected the device can remain visible to only paired devices or be visible at all times to any other Bluetooth-enabled device if you choose.

My soul is a device.  It's loaded with highly sensitive and important information. It has a Power Source that isn't plugged into a wall when the battery runs low. My device is refurbished but is still compatible with all of the software updates. It doesn't get traded in for an upgrade.  It has a warranty under the Grace & Mercy plan.  The screen doesn't break when it hits the ground because of the Holy Shield.  My memory card is manufactured by Forgiveness, Inc.  

My device is not visible but it's discoverable. It's not compatible in creating a quick hotspot. My device is programmed to share unlimited data with another device in the cloud. So, my device has been unpairing with other devices.  It's a process.  There are a lot of files shared.  Some files have become corrupt and others are stored on the memory card.  Some devices have prevented my device from operating properly.  So, I'm uninstalling applications and adjusting the settings. I'm freeing up some space.  

What is your device paired to?  Stop draining your battery and unpair some devices. Change your device settings. Plug into your Power Source.  You will discover your device will work a lot better.

#Unpairing  #WaitingForASoftwareUpdate  #DiscoverableNotVisible