Withholding Nothing

There is a song by William McDowell I listen to regularly, Withholding Nothing.  I consider it my personal praise and worship song.  It’s the one I sing when I cry out to God.  It’s the one that I hum when I need to calm my spirit.  I listen to it at work, in the car, walking in the park or wherever when I need to hear from Him.  The words beautifully instruct me to surrender and give all of me to Him.  No holding back, withholding nothing! 

More importantly it speaks to how our relationship with God should be open and sincerely giving.  Why can’t our relationships and marriages mirror our relationship with God?  The only answer that comes to mind is that we are withholding from ourselves.  We aren't being honest about who and what we are. We should know whose we are if nothing else.

I remember being at the altar one Sunday for prayer several years ago. Another woman at the altar whispered to me and said, “Whatever you do put God first in your marriage.”  I’d see her regularly at church with her two children and never with a spouse.  To be honest, that’s not uncommon to see married women at church without their spouse.  I never draw conclusions about those situations.  You don't know the other person's journey.  It was only until last year that she shared that she was divorced.  I shared my status with her as well.  She made me think about where I was headed, but it was good to know that I wasn’t alone in how I was thinking or feeling. 

Here’s what I really want to share….

Why are we withholding our heart and soul from the very Being who gives us breath and supplies our every need?  Why are we doing the same thing in our relationships and marriages?  Why do we give our jobs, hobbies and other interests our all, but we withhold everything from those we say we love. Why are we withholding from the very person who loves us, prays for us, the one we made a promise to?  Peeping in my rearview mirror, God was not first in my marriage.  Putting God first is a collective and consistent effort. You can't choose when to make Him first when times are tough.  

If I gained nothing else while being separated, I learned to withhold nothing and surrender all to Christ.  I had nowhere to go.  No one else could fix my problems.  I couldn’t do it, even though I tried with all my heart. I kept a prayer journal while my marriage started unraveling.  Change that—unraveling implies there was a strong tie.  While my marriage was falling apart, I wrote every feeling, emotion, fear and prayer I could think of.  I put it all on paper so I read and prayed the words over and over.  It was my emotional bible.  Everything I thought and cried about was in that journal—withholding nothing.  I never shared this journal with my spouse.

There are things that my ex-spouse may never know about me.  I started withholding because I could no longer expect things to change.  Trust had evaporated. Withholding was my coping mechanism. I had to survive this turmoil somehow.  Withholding was the only power I had left in a dire situation.  That's why I did it and my covenant becomes a broken promise.  You have nothing to grow from and evolve to.  I don’t believe marriages should be maintenance contracts.  (Maintenance contracts will be a future post.)  Marriage should be a journey together through all that life has to offer love, fears, happiness, loss and dreams—the good, bad, the ugly and indifferent.

Occasionally I’ll read the entries in my journals.  Sometimes I cry when I stumble upon some very dark moments in my life.  My tears are tears of joy because my heart is rejoicing that He delivered me. 

Start withholding nothing now.  Learn to surrender all.  Surrendering is not easy.  You become vulnerable and naked.  Expect a move of God when you do.  When you surrender, He will mend broken hearts, strengthen relationships and restore love. He will deliver you from whatever you’re withholding.  All you have to do is surrender. When you, it’s a feeling that I can’t describe.  

What are you withholding from God, your relationships or yourself? Surrender all now if you expect something different in your life. I'm expecting an I'mPossible relationship full of God's love and happiness. 

What are you expecting? 

#withholdingnothing  #expectingamoveofGod  #Isurrenderall